The List

The List:
The Part You Didn’t See

By Cinvxten


“Oh please,” Cartman scoffed, rolling his eyes and setting down his half eaten double cheeseburger. “I don’t think so Craig! Girls think I’m way hotter than you!” All of the boys looked at each other with skeptical glances. Butters had recently brought news to the lunch table that the girls had made a list rating the boys in their class from cutest to ugliest, and suspicions were running wild. Craig shook his head, holding back the urge to flip off the arrogant boy. Instead, he satisfied himself with a witty one liner.

“You don’t think they put the fat tub of lard at the bottom?”

“No!” Cartman answered shortly, crossing his arms like a stubborn child. “Cause people know that I’m not fat! I’m buff. And they probably put you at the bottom because you have fucked up teeth. Or Kenny… cause he’s poor.”

My ears perked up as I choked on a gasp. It never failed to amaze me how much of an ass Cartman could be. Yeah, we’ve been friends for… well… since forever, but my patience was beginning to wear thin. I knew that Cartman didn’t really mean to be so tactless but… what if what he said was true?

“They didn’t put me on the bottom, did they?” I asked, my voice muffled by my bright orange parka.

“Kenny, face it!” Cartman spat with an annoyed sigh. “Girls don’t wanna eat Poptarts every night for dinner when they get married.”

I refrained from lashing out at the fat ass, just barely staying my clenched fist. But I knew that violence would get me no where. Cartman would just start crying and then I would get in trouble, and it just wasn’t worth it. I had endured Cartman’s insults till now, and I could continue doing it.

Besides, who ever said that I wanted to marry anyone? Just because I have a wealth of knowledge about sex doesn’t mean I’m really into all that shit. But it was much too late anyway; the label was already pasted onto me like a second name, so I just had to live up to the expectations.

To tell the truth… I wasn’t interested in any girl. In the past, I thought I was, however that was just what I assumed was expected of me. Cheer when the girl’s do a dance, talk smoothly and sweetly when they approached, get excited by boobs and all that. I didn’t even realize until only a few months ago that boys were even an option.

“You don’t think they said I’m the ugliest boy in class, do ya? Well if they did, my parents would ground me!” I chuckled softly under his breath. That was a stupid reason to get grounded for. And besides, what girl would ever put Butters last? I knew that I would never do such a thing. Not only did Butters have the innocent and boyish looks that I was attracted to, but he also had a very interesting and trusting personality. He was just too cute….

But it would never be. Maybe Cartman was right. Who would want to go out with the poor kid? No one, that’s who. And Butters was far from being a nobody. He was more of a somebody than I could ever be. Or at least that’s how I saw it.

Eventually, I had convinced myself that I would never be able to be with the person I loved and started to think that maybe I didn’t really care what number I was on that infamous list. None the less, I had gotten caught up in all the uproar and found myself sitting in a plastic chair down in Cartman’s basement.

My sky blue eyes cast themselves onto Butters who was in front of me, happily jotting down notes to Cartman’s plan: ‘Operation Cannot Possibly Fail.’ I had to force myself to look away in order to keep anyone from noticing. I had to make sure my infatuation was as hidden as possible. No one could ever know! If they did, my reputation would be shot, and I would most likely lose all of my friends.

Not to mention that Butters would totally reject me if he knew. What a cruel world this was.

And to think that all of this started so long ago by accident. For some reason, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman had abandoned me as their fourth friend and Butters had taken my place. I was so angry! What did this sorry little ‘Melvin’ have that I didn’t? Was he so much more fun than I am? And then I realized that the answer to that question was no. But he was a lot more gullible than I am, which I guess was the trait that attracted the other boys.

But gradually… something else began to attract me. I had spent so many hours just glaring at him that I began to notice little quarks and behaviors. At one point, while leering at him from across the cafeteria, Butters picked up his tray and turned it clockwise in three succinct movements until his peas were directly in front of him. Instead of reaching across the tray, he moved it instead.

For a reason that I couldn’t comprehend, I started laughing! It was just so weird and cute to see him turn the plate like that. From that moment on, I focused less on glaring and more on staring… quite dreamily I must add.

And when Butters was ‘fired’ as the fourth friend, I just had to console him. Besides, we finally had something in common, and I finally had a reason to talk to him. I followed him home from school one day, which was a lot easier than I had anticipated; Butters was too busy mumbling to himself like a psychotic child. It was a persona that just didn’t fit him and it induced another fit of girly giggles to escape from my throat.

Deciding to by pass the middle man, I climbed a tree up to Butters’ room and waited for him to arrive. I sprawled myself out onto his bed and basked in the scent. It smelled like Butters’ shampoo… an expensive one.

The blonde haired beauty entered through the only door and walked right past me, mumbling crazy things and shut himself into the closet. I would have laughed again, but I was too dumbfounded by his actions to even say a word. Eventually he came out dressed in a cape and tinfoil and I bit my tongue till I bled, snickering under my breath.

“Wah!” Butters’ shouted and backed into the closed closet door with a start. “K-kenny? I thought you were… were dead!”

“Nah, I’ve just been over there,” I explained, pointing to my right with a shrug. I let out a sigh and pulled my hood down, letting my medium length blonde hair fall in shocks around my face. “Who are you supposed to be? Recycle Man?”

Butters pursed his lips and puffed out his chest. “That’s Professor Chaos to you!” He walked over to me with an arrogant air and ‘hmphed’ at me. “And I’ll have you know that I’m going to destroy this world for being so unfair to me!”

“Just because Stan and the others dumped you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “News flash: that happened to me to, you know.”

“Then you can join me!” Butters exclaimed excitedly. He knelt down and pulled out a beautifully constructed Lego city from under his bed. The detail was impeccable and perfectly neat. The child like boy tossed me a dinosaur doll and picked up a G.I. Joe action figure for himself.

The two of us spent the next hour concocting evil schemes and systematically destroying the Lego city and its heroes: Captain Kyle, Super Stan, and The Ferocious Fatty. Needless to say, I enjoyed every minute of it. Not only because I was indirectly taking out my frustration with my friends, but I was also spending time with Butters.

“Whew, that was pretty fun, Butters,” I admitted, kicking away a toy car and sending it crashing into a collapsed building. Butters glared at me and I shrugged meekly with a smile. “Sorry. That was pretty fun… Professor Chaos.”

“This was just the warm up!” Butters simpered. “Tomorrow, my real life plan will begin to take place, and this world will suffer for its injustices.”

“Whoa, whoa,” I cautioned, holding up my hands in the universal symbol for ‘stop.’ “You’re not serious, are you Butters? I mean… this is only a game right?”

“No!” Butters shouted, shaking his head vigorously. “The world must pay!”

I smiled to myself and took my leave, saying I’d see him later. I wasn’t too worried about him. He would eventually tire of pretending to play the villain and come back to being the angel I remembered him as. Besides, what was the worst he could possibly do?

Sure enough, back in Cartman’s basement, Butters was agreeing to kick a girl in the balls in order to nab the list from her and the world was still unscathed by Professor Chaos.

Sure, I could have told them that girls don’t have balls, but I so wanted to see Cartman’s plan fall through. And boy, did it ever! You should have seen his face, it was priceless! The one thing I didn’t count on was Nelly beating the shit out Butters but… he was fine and it gave me even more reason to be at his side, so I guess I can live with it.

Then came ‘Operation Cannot Possibly Fail… A Second Time.’ This one I actually played an active role, but at least it was a much more intelligent plan on Cartman’s part.

I jumped out in front of Nelly and spat on the ground. Being a girl, Nelly quickly recoiled and shouted “Gross!” while another boy used this distraction to mess up her hair. We had recently discovered that she kept the list in her purse, so after mussing up her hair she quickly opened it and took out a comb, leaving the list perfectly exposed for Cartman to steal!

It was a… semi perfect plan… I guess. But it worked, so who’s complaining?
We rushed through the hallway, list in hand and retreated to the safety of the boy’s bathroom. No girl would ever go in there! They all taped it to the wall and danced around it like a scene out of The Lord of the Flies… as if any of them knew what that was. I must admit, much to my dismay, that I got drawn into the mob mentality and joined in on the excitement.

Butters, overly eager to see if he came up short or not, pushed past the others with an amazing strength I didn’t think possible for his tiny frame. “Oh boy! I’m number 11! Whoopie! Number 11!”

“Ah, look!” Craig pointed out with a triumphant chortle. “I’m hotter than you, fatso!”

“What? That’s bullcrap!” Cartman sputtered in disbelief.

I simpered and made my own way through the crowds. I wanted to see for myself if Butters was really number 11. Sure enough, he was. It made me happy to know that he wouldn’t get grounded after all. And to satisfy my curiosity I looked up my name as well.

“Whoo hoo!” I shouted in a sudden burst of accomplishment. Number 7… not too bad! I left the other boys to their devices and continued on my way outside. So, I was pretty hot I guess. I had that going for me. But I couldn’t help but feel insecure still.

Even if I was a girl and I was still as hot, Butters would never be in love with a poor person. Financial stability was a huge part of having a successful life, and I would want nothing better for Butters. I wanted him to lead a good life without worry… and that just wasn’t a life I could offer him.

I saw my breath in the evening air and adjusted my hood to keep warm. My feet crunched in the newly fallen snow and I took in a deep breath that stung the lining in my nostrils. But the feeling reminded me that I was breathing, which was always a good thing when your name is Kenny McCormick.

I absently meandered through town, reluctant to actually go home to my alcoholic father and negligent mother. December stars flickered into life over my head as clouds parted before me like the Red Sea beckoning me to cross to the Promised Land. I followed its pathway taking deep breaths in philosophical elation.

The stars twinkled brightly and appeared to dance; my mind picture Butters and I hand in hand on our wedding day, galloping jubilantly through the halls of Father Maxi’s church. My imagination running rampant, the two of us were suddenly on the streets, a blizzard roaring around us as we huddled in a cardboard box for shelter.

I blinked from my nightmare, staring aghast at Butters’ front door. How I’d got there, I have no idea. I guess my feet were just leading me to where my heart desired as I was away in LaLa Land. Before I even had the chance to turn around, the door swung open and Mr. Stotch greeted me. “Kenny? Oh look, honey, it’s one of Butters’ little friends, Kenny.”

Hesitating, I struggled to find the words to return to him. I was sure that Butters would be curious as to why I had shown up at his house at this hour but… I had never done anything to cause him to suspect my infatuation. And he was so child like, I was sure that even if I did tell him for some reason, he would take it the wrong way and shrug it off. ‘So,’ I thought. ‘What’s the risk?’

“Um… can I come in and play with Butters?” I asked through my parka, my breath steaming up through my hood.

“Well, seeing as Butters isn’t the ugliest boy in his class, we didn’t have to ground him. So I don’t see why not! Come on in!” I raised an eyebrow and kept my snickers from escaping my throat. They really would have grounded him! Poor Butters.

“How’s Professor Chaos doing?” I chuckled lightly as I entered Butters’ room and he shot to his feet in surprise.

“Oh um… I don’t know actually,” he answered honestly, placing his finger on his chin and stared off into space as if trying to remember. I laughed out loud, pulling down my hood and shaking the remnants of snow from my hair and shoulders. Butters looked at me, his brow furrowed in confusion and he nibbled his bottom lip cutely.

“What?” I snorted, resting my hands on my hips.

“Why do you do that?” he implored in response.

“Do what?”

“Take off your hood when you’re around me,” Butters explained, sounding confused. “You never do it for anyone else. Not even Stan or Kyle, and they’re your best friends ever!”

I thought about this for a second, folding my arms across my chest in a pensive gesture. “Hmm…” I mused. “Nah, I think I consider you to be my best friend ever, Butters.”

Butters looked at me for a second, his deep blue eyes wide in awe and his mouth agape. After a minute, he simpered warmly. “That’s sweet of you Kenny.”
I shrugged, hoping to take attention away from my burning blush.

“Hey, did you know?” Butters asked excitedly, jumping up and down. He rushed to his closet and took off his shirt, causing me to stagger backwards in shock. He opened the closet and took out a different shirt. “Look, look, look!” he shouted with a laugh.

When he turned to face me, he was wearing a turquoise t-shirt that had “Number 11” across the front of it. “Did you know, did you know?” he called. “I’m number 11! The girls think I’m number 11!”

I took a moment to scan the room and saw what I was looking for. Butters watch silently as I picked up a roll of duct tape and ripped off a piece with a deft swipe. I approached him and Butters took a step back, cautionary about what I was going to do. But I assured him wordlessly that he had nothing to fear. I guess being the friend of Cartman had taught him to be a little less gullible.

“There,” I breathed, satisfied, using the tape to cover up the second 1 in 11. “That’s what number I think you are.”

Butters looked at me strangely until finally a blush crept upon his cheek and he smiled even deeper. “Hey, you know,” he started with a nod. “You always come over to my house, but I never get to see yours. You think I could come over to your house tomorrow? And it’ll be Saturday, so we can play with each other all day!”

“Um… I don’t … well,” I sputtered, beside myself. This was a really good chance for me to really connect with Butters… but I didn’t want to discourage him by showing how poverty stricken my family was. But as I looked into his glowing pupils, wishing that I could swim in them for all eternity, a quiet and subtle “…sure…” escaped my entranced lips.

“God damn… fuck… shit… stupid shit…”

I mumbled to myself as I furiously swept up the living room, clattering past empty beer bottles and over turned cans. “So fucking stupid! You should have said ‘no,’ Kenny, you bastard! You want him to hate you? Then why did you fucking invite him over, huh? You’re a stupid shit, Kenny!”

I wiped my sweating brow, dressed in nothing but jeans and a white tank top. I had taken off my parka about halfway through my cleaning escapade. It was nearly two and Butters would be here at three o’ clock. I had woken up at seven to make sure I had enough time to get everything done… but the more I cleaned the more I realized how hopeless it was.

With every turn, there was more garbage or dirt or a spill to clean up. I don’t think we’ve ever tried to clean up this house, and it was really showing as I chased rats out the back door with a broom. I sighed, on the verge of tears. I still hadn’t even gotten to the kitchen yet or even my room. We’d be limited to the living room which was barely large enough to be considered even that.

This was so stupid! Why did I even agree to this? Defeated, I sank into the near by couch, bursting into a fit of uncontrollable sobs as a plume of dust rose into the air, misting over the floor I had just vacuumed twice. There really wasn’t a god, was there? Either that or he was a sadist.

“Um, Kenny?” came a timid voice, and I chocked on my tears, wiping my red eyes. I looked up to see Butters peeking in through the front door and I sniffed, trying to not make it obvious that I was crying. “Are you okay?”

“Butters,” I started, getting to my feet and pulling on my orange parka. “You’re early. I didn’t really expect you… I’m still cleaning and… you’re really early.”

“Yeah, well I thought you’d be glad to see me,” he murmured, playing with his hands nervously.

“Ah! I am, Butters! Really! I just… there’s still so much to clean!”

“Oh, I’ll help!” He smiled, picking up the discarded broom.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” I tried to reason. “You’re my guest, and all.”

“Shush!” Butters scolded. “Many hands make light work. Don’t you know that? We’ll have this whole place clean in no time!” I couldn’t argue with that face. It would be like kicking a puppy; sure it would be easy, but you’d hate yourself afterwards. So together we cleaned and mopped the kitchen floor, playing music on the radio for some background noise.

As Butters ran to and fro wetting the floor with the mop, I vigorously cleaned dishes that had been sitting in our sink for weeks. I had once again taken off my parka since Butters insisted I should, and to be fair, I lent him a pair of jeans and one of my tank tops so we would be matching; once again, Butters’ idea. It was comically to see him rush around in clothes that were too big of him, the tank top sliding down his shoulders to reveal his bare chest every once in while. He would slip on the pant legs and have to pull up the jeans every five minutes, but he always did it with a smile and a chuckle.

I felt water splash my face as Butters threw water from the sink into my face. “Hey!” I growled, a fit of laughter betraying my words.

“You’re too slow!” he reprimanded with a grin. “I’m already done with the floor!”

Sure enough it was spotless, and I found myself gazing in its reflection. Another splash later and I was dashed from my trance.

“That’s it!” I joked, picking up the soggy mop and threatening the other blonde boy with it. Together, we chased each other around the house, tromping upstairs and into my semi-clean room. The mop was thrown unceremoniously to the side and I pushed Butters onto my bed where I hovered over him, holding down his wrists so he couldn’t escape.

My eyes wandered over his body, his wet tank top drooping low and exposing his silky skin once again, a pert nipple heaving up and down in the heated air as Butters panted. I moved my leg and brushed against his thigh, unexpectedly pulling down his jeans past his waist. Butters breathed hotly, his face red with exhaustion and his eyes mooning over. I swallowed dryly, my imagination running wild again.

“I’m kinda hungry,” Butters informed, his stomach growling.

Instantly my heart dropped. I had forgotten to go shopping….

I descended the stairs three steps at a time, Butters following after me, holding up his jeans as he tried to keep up. Skidding across the waxy kitchen floor with my socks, I pounced toward the refrigerator.

Nothing….

I got to my knees and pulled open the freezer.

Nothing….

“Don’t tell me,” I cursed through gritted teeth. “Please, god, you can’t be that cruel.” I opened the pantry….

“I really like having breakfast for dinner,” Butters mused, smiling as he ate a spoonful of Fruit Loops Cereal. I grumbled, disappointed, placing two Poptarts into the toaster. I was going to kill Cartman. I was going to kill him dead. None of this was his fault and I knew it, but I was still going to fucking kill him.

I couldn’t take it anymore. This was just sad. I sniffed and wiped my eyes again, my dreams being torn to shreds. Butters was obviously just taking pity on me and I didn’t want that. I wanted him to love me more than anything, but I knew that he would never want to go out with someone as poor as me.

“Butters,” I began, trying to compose myself so I wouldn’t start crying. “I can understand if you never want to talk to me again. I mean, I’m in the lower class, and you’re in the middle class. You have so much more than I do, and I don’t want you feeling obligated to be friends with me just because you feel sorry for me. It’s not a problem, really. I can totally understand.”

“Hmm,” Butters sighed, a spoon hanging haphazardly from his mouth. “You’re silly.”

“What?” I asked, startled.

“Why would I not like you because you’re poor? That seems like a really stupid reason to not like someone.” I blinked as Butters took another spoonful of cereal and smiled. “Hey, you think I could stay over tonight?”

“What?” I stammered, unable to think of anything else to say. I was too bowled over.

“You know! Like a sleep over!” Butters exclaimed cheerfully. “That’s be so cool!” It was like kicking a puppy… I just couldn’t say ‘no’ to him and hurt his feelings.

“Um…” I started as I lay in bed wearing nothing but my boxers. “I wouldn’t mind sleeping on the floor, Butters… really.”

Butters climbed into the covers with me, his body bare except for a pair of my own boxers hugging loosely to his thin frame. “Nonsense!” He spat. “We’ll sleep together.”

He laid down on top of me, his warm skin up against mine, and I thought my heart would burst out of my chest. He embraced me with a sleepy moan and nuzzled into the nape of my neck. I watched as his body would move up and down as I breathed heavily, my own figure as rigid as a statue.

“You know, Kenny,” Butters mumbled into my ear, just barely staying awake. “This was a really awesome first date.”

My eyes grew wide as I gasped, but he was already sound asleep. Gradually, as the realization sunk in, my muscles melted and I wrapped my arms around him. “Yeah,” I agreed in a whisper. “I guess it was… good night Butters… I love you.”